Undress Your Heart Out

by Jan Eidrienne R. De Luis

Let’s play a game for two, where we’ll strip off our clothes and our feelings too.

On the Holocene of drastic changes in culture and tradition, there is an observed reinvention of every sport. Even the rules and mechanics of some have changed and players strategize to improve in their craft. Sports complexes and arenas were innovated to ensure maximum athletic performance while cinching a relaxing mood for players, enabling them to feel insouciant and snug. Long before science and technology did this to coliseums in order to fulfil the needs of athletes, an unlikely battlefield built in every household has been providing humanity the same comfort while playing the most physical game of all time—sex.   

Like every sport that becomes an individual hobby, “the deed” gets casual and professional between players who then provide their own set of rules.

“Ladies’ Man,” a 22-year old self confessed “pro” in this worldly act, who shall remain unnamed throughout this article, disclosed his thoughts and experiences on how nonchalant intercourse could be.

“My one-night-stands almost always happen after a night out with friends where alcohol makes us loose and then I do it for the sake of just doing it,” he said in Filipino. “I had very few casual sex experiences that did not involve alcohol”

Without a permanent “sport” buddy at the moment, “Ladies’ Man” also said that he had more one-night-stands than stable sexual partners.

Being male generally gave an advantage to “Ladies’ Man” in inviting women to play with him. He claims the warm-up period to be a moment that puts a person on tenterhooks, since this is where the term ladies’ man comes to life.

“When you’re a guy, you’re probably the one to make the first move, you have to do some flirting, crack some jokes, start touching her and finally when the moment arises you move in for a kiss or if you’re in a public place like a club and you think you’ve tested the waters accurately then you’ll ask her to go out with you and then you take her somewhere private and there you go,” he said.

 Akin to initiating a sports play where the opponent always has the power to reject the offer, “Ladies’ Man” attested that girls still have the clutch of saying no.

For someone who had some serious relationships in the past, making the connection strictly physical with no heartstrings attached is indelible. But with rigid training and self-reflection “Ladies’ Man” never fell into the pits.

“I’ve never fallen in love to my sexual partners; it seems to be easier for us guys to do the act without emotions because we don’t have to risk anything,” said “Ladies’ Man” who admitted that he is open to the possibility of falling in love given the situation of repeatedly doing the act with a single partner.

Despite his infamous actions that ride the “friends-with-benefits” bandwagon, “Ladies’ Man” knows the recondite difference of sex fired up with love from its insipid counterpart.

 “I have to admit that it is more pleasurable to have sex without feelings involved because you can do whatever you want,” he said. “The whole act is a selfish affair.”

“However, a deep sense of satisfaction and connection is established when you do it with love, because the sense of selflessness is there when you think of how the other person feels about what you do,” he added.

Dr. Arlo Luis Salvador, a psychiatrist in Family Clinic Hospital and a faculty member of The University of Santo Tomas (UST) Faculty of Arts and Letters Behavioral Science Department, said that one of the main reasons why people engaged in casual sex or what most people say as “sex buddies” is the loose control of libido.

“The human body is perceived as a mere sex object,” he said. “It is only seen as an object of satisfaction so technically there is no reason to have a relationship if that is the case.”

Salvador who has been a doctor for 20 years now said that the libido levels of males are higher than that of females, adding that “females have a cyclical sexual need and that in their psychological composition it can be seen that they give deeper emotions in a relationship.”

“Females would not have sex without emotions, because there may be some big consequences in the way,” he said.

According to him other reasons may involve the use of drugs, alcohol and external factors like broken homes and past relationships that failed.

“Usually this is the part where you have no meaning for relationships,” he said. “Some of these sex buddies were previously hurt so they decided to quit commitments and have sex without complications just for the sake of fulfilling their biological needs.”

“At least for once you feel important to one person even it’s strictly physical,” Salvador added.

Dr. Salvador also attested that love and lust are governed by different organs in the nervous system. The rational part is responsible for love and the hypothalamus as stimulated by the sex hormones is responsible for the feeling of lust.

Aloof to the idea of feelings and emotions, “Ladies’ Man” proved himself to be a real man by choosing the long cut instead of the short one.

“I think it’s nice to persevere for the ultimate level of physical relationship which is sex especially if you love the person, because no matter how much people deny it, sex is still a big deal,” he said. “I prefer to love someone first before we do it, because at least I’m sure that sex won’t change the way I feel instead of having it the other way around.”

With eager conviction, although a little bit mawkish, “Ladies’ Man” raised his insights on tying the knot like a real champion.

“When you found the one, it’s your choice to give her that (sex),” he said. “Not only that, but also everything else.”